The Sarccastik Conjugate

We love this game don't we?...how was everybody's weekend? good i hope....mine was restful and family bs!!!! Everytime, i got to B'ham is always some family drama going on....but hey you can't pick your family can't you?.....okay now for our favorite game show...(insert cheesy game show soundtrack here....):

What da hell?....Didn't you give me the choice to pick a day to go out to lunch...i picked Friday and now you're saying you can't pay for it because it was supposed to be another co-worker to go in half with you....?..i didn't say anything because i don't care...i'm gone anyway...but that ranks at least in the top 5 of bootleg lunches...wouldn't you agree?

What da hell?...Are they really serious about putting some kind of age restriction of Myspace?...i could lie and say i'm 21....damn fools...

What da hell?....Gnarls Barkley mashes up Biggie....i don't get it...but whatever...

What da hell?...Rick Ross ringtone goes Platinum.....wifey wants on hers too...lol..

What da hell?...Tribe Called Quest reunion?...hmm...we'll wait and see...

What da hell?...damn shame...shooting at the last day of Dupri's So So Def weekend....

Okay let me know if i missed anything....crazy shyt have a good'ne...and like Harold Reynolds @ESPN...i'm gone!!!!!

Greetings...my blog fam, I was driving in to work and it occurred to me that I need a nickname in the blogworld....let's see i wanna use the James Evans of the Blogworld....naw...ooh I got it!!!! how 'bout this....(don't hate ya'll) I will consider myself the George Jefferson of The Blogworld!!!! ahh how does that sound....anyway, i wanted to share a funny ass story that happened to me a couple of years ago....It's Friday evening...i'm doing the 3 S's...(shyt, shower, shave)...we going to either Club Kaya, which is now Visions (who's about to close this weekend by the way...) or Esso's (folks who came down or from the "A" know where that's at or Club Mecca....I get a phone call from collection agency that i never heard of...the lady asks to speak to me...i'm like Okaay....this is when she gets into her spill...

(Agency) "Do you know Mrs. Anderson?"...I'm like...nope....oh wait a minute...

(Me) "yeah, i think she lives next door"...."but why and how did you get my number?" "Did she leave me as a refernce or something?"

(Agency) "We did a reverse lookup on the address and noticed that you live next to her. We were hoping that you would knock on her door and tell her that (collection agency company name) called and if she give call us back that would be great."....

so imagine the look on my face....and i said...

(Me) "wait a minute..wait a minute...You want me to knock on technically a complete stranger house and asks that she call your collection agency?"..."Why don't ya'll call her yourself?"

(Agency) She said "We tried calling her but her number is disconnected"

(Me) "Okay if her number is disconnected...and I'm sure you mailed her about her account....why would"...(and i caught myself....fukk am i doing explain any decency to this company)...I said..."I aint nobody message boy, they obviously don't want to talk to ya'll and please remove my name from your database and don't ever call here again"...

Then i politely let her continue her conversation with "The White Lady"...you know her..."If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"...you always here her after you got hung up on ...or dialed the wrong number....Fukk kinda shyt was that?...Did I show enough patience or what? Go to my neighbor i couldn't believe that shyt.....anyway...what's going on this weekend? I'm going to B'ham and surprise the folks....my brother is leaving for Germany...(summer camp air force)...we all trying to convince Papa Sarccastik to "Put som'n on the Grill"....You know how we do it!!!!! (What the hell happened to Montell Jordan?)...have a good week'end...and i'm gone!!!

What's going on fam?..i've been trying to fix up my site so i've had major problems the last couple of days...shout out to the people who was telling me to fix my shyt....PP, stilt, blah...ya'll i hope i got it fixed....ya'll i ain't been doing jack!!!! i'm outta this piece in a week...i've been parlaying (i don
t know if i spelled that right)..The damn six flags grandpa...it's funny everytime i see that commercial....i've been telling the "Mr.Charlie's" that i accepted a job with a company down the street from my job here...they don't need to know where i'm going....when i'm gone, I'M GONE!!!! period....okay here's what i missed this week:

damn..prince getting divorced..said to hear that....i didn't know PRINCE married again to ...hell, i didn't know he divorced MAYTE...(or whatever her name is)...

Ron Artest opening for Fat Joe....ya'll let me know how he sounds....i still ain't heard one thing about him rapping...his he good...or decent...or piss-poor?

Method Man beef with Wendy Williams...i might kick her azz if she did that too....

i gotta check out my boy Sticky Fingaz...as "Blade"...anybody seen that yet...let me know...i'm going to B'ham this weekend...chill out enjoy food on the grill...you know how WE do it!!!!! til tomorrow...holla!!!1

I've been "geek'd" up waiting for some football...okay, i'm on a couple of fantasy leagues....i think i'm on 3 or 4 something like that....

I'm trying to (maybe) use my blog as a "front" for getting into writing....I hated English in high school and college...because I have random thoughts when it comes to writing my paper...and you know you can't do that....how does it go? INTRO...TALK ABOUT 3 POINTS....BODY...POINT 1, POINT 2, POINT3...CONCLUSION SUMMARY OF THE 3 POINTS.....I kinda "C" walked my ass out of those English courses...why my beloved (LSU)...don't get geek'd ya'll....Lawson State Community College...i still don't know why we called it LSU...why did they have spelling test in English 101...i'm like whut (what) kinda shyt is this....of course i was "A-cing" the test..(did i spell that right Ace'n or Ac'n...fukk it)...i was getting all A's....don't talk about my LSU...even though it's a big ass high school....

I'm getting ready for the Magic City Classic ya'll, if ya'll never heard about it....it'll be on BET again this year...i've been going since i was knee high to a grasshopper....my cousin and i had a bet when we were like 12 who was going to "get"..."hit 'cross" a ASU Cheerleader....ya'll know your boy completed his childhood dream....(i won the bet)...we didn't have money but it was more of a mmm (remember when you use to turn your lip up when you didn't believe that person...and smack your tongue)....it was about respect...lol....i "knock'd" down a ASU Cheerleader....and i think he "knock'd" down a Mo'Brown Cheerleader...(Morris Brown...."The Brown"...RIP)...damn i miss those days at "The Brown"...we (mind you i visited 3 or 4 times...when ASU had spring break)...used to kick it @ "The Wall"..big ass wall was the hangout...."Club Woody"...damn library was a club, when you was tryin' to holla...go to "Club Woody"....my first time @ Brown...all week..i went to class w/my crazy cousin...everyday i had a 40oz....(they didn't sell 40oz's in Alabama) drunk ass a skunk talkin' bout "Hey baby What's the Dwizzle".....i had a Clark Cheerleader in the palms of my hand...oh well....those were the days...

Today is Wednesday...i should to a countdown on site...my last day here is next Wednesday...my Thur and Friday will be my vacation...and they will pay me the rest...have a good "hump day"...

i'm trying something new and different....

i thought i was trying something new....but it shows....i'm trying to tinker w/the website...can't you tell?...don't dog me out just yet...

stilt don' (slang) talked about me bad....i'm still testing something out....

Okay first off....the weekend...i didn't do a DAMN THING!!!!! And if felt GRRRREATTT!!!! we
was chillin' like a villain (i'm going ol'skool on my slangs this week..lol...) We just spent a lot family time together, lil'sarccastik continues to amaze us with her knowledge of things....she can count up to 20 by herself...with no help....that girl...(i'm a proud daddy ya'll).....I need to find out if she likes any sports....tennis, golf somthing...i need to start right now!!!!

Okay the Mojitos...we (hmm how should i say)....they were DAMN GOOD!!!!! if i say so myself....i know i got drunk off them....a couple of people at the scrapbooking party enjoyed it
themself....saying things like, "Umm...Sarccastik this glass looks a little bare...."..i had to laugh it
up...they enjoyed it...wifey did too.

I also made some lemon zest fries...it was perfect, at first wifey (who is my biggest critic and my
taster) was like "Okay...let's see what you're raving about on the fries....(gave her one)...hmm,
how much is left". So she enjoyed that one...okay i'll tell you what i failed at...Bayou Broccoli, the
appetizer that you can get from Copeland's ....if you've never had it, you're missing a treat!!! I
had it perfect down to a tee!!! I think my problem was they fry it somekind of way....mine was too greasy, i had the shape, texture and the presentation looking good...but alas...it was too
greasy...even lil'sarccastik got one look at my bayou broccoli and was like "NoThanks!!!"...couldn't get mad at her...but i tried...this week...Chicken Primavera!!!! how was ya'll
weekend?

It always amazes me how people act around sports stars, actors and entertainers. Some people have trouble breathing...some just black out....my subject today is who have you seen and how did you react? I'll run down a list of my star sightings....(don't laugh at how i did..please..lol):

Olympic champion Edwin Moses: We worked in the same plaza building, i saw him reading a newspaper...wasn't nervous...spoke with respect "How you doing, sir?" He did speak but i guess i was getting on his nerves...

Father of JonBenet Ramsay: He also worked in my building...didn't want to speak to him...(i just got a strange suspicion they know what happened to their child..that's just me)...

Chili from TLC (R&B group): I saw her in Lenox mall... she saw me, i turned my head the other way....i was trying to be a HOGG!!!! my crazy azz...she was/is a cutie, i probably should've spoke but whatever...

Eddie Levert (O'Jays): I'm about 94-97% that was him in Lenox mall...he had a green outfit w/gators to match....all i can do was lol....go head Eddie!!

Whitman Mayo (Sanford & Son..."Grady"): I saw him too at Lenox mall....Why did my dumb azz say "Hey Grady"...should've showed respect...."Hey, Mr.Grady".....one of my life's biggest regret...i know it's not a big deal, but that's just how i am....

Cee-lo (Gnarls Barkley lead singer): I'm posted up at Club Kaya (now it's called Visions), i got a good spot too....i'm in the hallway...the ladies got to walk by me to get to the dance floor...i'm pickin' 'em apart too....every 3rd chick that looked good...."Hey baby, What's the dwizzle?"...that's the icebreaker there...after i finished holl'ern at a chick...i'm trying to go back to my spot...i look up...it's like a big azz wide azz dude in front of me...i'm like "Who the fukk?"...oh then i see it's Cee-lo...that dude is wide azz hell...i'm like damn...so i move to another spot...then i see Usher and some 5'2" chick go to the dance floor.....it was crazy that night....

I'm off today...me &lil'sarccastik is watching the Sprout channel...(those with kids, nephews, cousins young now what i'm talkin' bout)....I dropped the 2 weeks on them Wednesday...boy was they sick....."Oh man don't do this too me"....i'm like whatever....Wifey is having a Scrapbooking party....i'm trying to make some Mojitos...pray for me ya'll.....Have a good weekend!!!!!

This is a topic that i heard on the 2LiveStews....i didn't have a chance to listen to all of the stews but for the most part their top 5 was in this order:


1. MickyD's Fries
2. Big Mac
3. Captain D's Fish
4. Filet O'Fish Sandwich
5. McRib

Okay...from what i remember it was like this....i was only listening from 4pm-5pm...(that's how long it take me to get home...lawd jeezus i'm 'bout to drop the 2week notice today)....so i'm asking my Blog fam what's your favorite fast food joints...(i don't make it a habit stealing subjects from the stews...but i had to on this one)...My favorite 5 are as follows:

1. Whopper w/Cheese Xtra tomotoes cut in half ..it's the King!!! (sorry that's how i order mine)
2. Big Montana w/Cheese (Arby's)....that's a big ass sandwich
3. 6 Dollar Burger (Hardee's)....'nother big ass sandwich...you really don't need fries
4. Captain D's Fish...i don't know what you call that stuff at the bottom of the box...fish crackles...or whatever...they can sell that and make money....i killl the fish and the crackles....
5. Micky D's fries...it is addictive...don't know that the hell they put in those fries...i've gone to MickyD's and just order fries...

I don't know that the hell they put in that McRib....but i ain't trying it...I HAVE NEVER PURCHASED A MCRIB SANDWICH...yuck...it just doesn't look appealing to me..presentation is a big thing with me as far as food....it just doesn't look right....have ya'll purchased it before? I bit into a McRib...and damn near "upchuck'd" it back up....DIIISGUSTING!!!!...I also never purchased MickyD's Fish Sandwich but i heard that it's off the rip when it's hot....

i'm 'bout to call dude now at the new company...to try and "squeeze" some extra change out of him...regardless...i'm giving my 2weeks today....what's ya'll favorite fast food?

What's going on people?...It's tuesday...time to vote down here in the "A"...i think "big blue" let me leave early to vote...i think they usually give 2hrs to vote or something like that....what's ya'll company policy on voting?

Okay, i got my offer letter this morning...and i'm thinking about sending them a counter proposal letter...(you know to just to give me a extra week of vaction and a little bit more on the salary)...I have never actually did any negotiating my salary...i'm "clustering" (clusty.com...search engine...i might use google depend on what mood i'm in) job offer counter proposals....have any of you guys done this before?...Your boy needs some help...i'm thinking about the counter...but regardless, i'll be earning more at the new job and it's closer than what i'm making here.....

Cutest thing is when my 2yr lil'sarccastik is trying to give me props...I was vacuuming the bedroom a couple of days ago and she was like "Yeah daddy...Big Girl Daddy"...lol...i still crack up everytime i hear her say that...i'm trying to tell her to say "Big Boy".....but that's a work in progress...

Why did my neighbor decide to cut his grass at 11:30pm.....with no lights in the backyard? we're watching TV and all of a sudden....we hear the noise of a lawnmower now?...wifey was like "Ah, Hell Naw!!"...i just laughed too....

How was everybody weekend? I hope was safe and sound....okay ya'll know i still didn't get my offer letter....what kinda BS is that? TTD help me out...how long did it take? Anyway, all that stuff we said we was gonna do...never happened...we rented movies, had an HOA (home owners assc.) meeting...damn all those mofos in my house....but it was cool talkin' about these bad azz kids we got. But anyway, i talked to the Mgr. at PT, my background check comes first (why didn't HR Slacker say that last week?) then an offer letter....so the check should come hopefully today, but in the meantime i'm still looking around for another job just in case that don't pan out (i'm clean, i don't have anything negative on my background check....or do i?hmmm) but i'm finally getting to do a TAG....(u know this is my first tag ever)....SUCKAS!!!!!

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2006? YES SIRR!!!! (wifey keeps me happy in that dept.) oh boy!!!!
2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE? yep...bushes at the shakespeare festival in the gump (Montgomery, Alabama)....what can i say....she dared me!!!! I'm from B'ham Beeeyotttch!!!
3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? No never did that....
4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Fukk kinda question is that....I'M A GATOR!!!!
5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX? Naw...not really...give me 50ft...
6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE? Absolutely...when i was single and batting .153 for the month....sheeeee...anything is on as long as they understand that they are 3rd shift material....
7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM? Yep....same girl as in #2...she got on my nerves....
8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?...it don't matter to me...i'm flexible...
9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX:....yep...wasn't happy about it...but hey...u live and u learn, since that one hiccup....i was rockin' the starters (jimmy) all the time...
10. EVER MASTERBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER? hell naw...boy these questions are all left field...ain't they..
11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND? well not really....i hit 'cross the 2nd day...the first day, i met newjerz gapmouth after leaving a job fair...she needed a ride to the marta station...i drove her 'round (she was new to atl)...the 2nd day...she was like "U wanna fukk or what"....i was like oh boy!!!!!
12.How about a 3-some?...never had it....would love it once...
13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX? Absolutely...positions down packed to a tee!!!
14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX? well this goes back to #6....thinking of kenya moore...
15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE? yep...more than once...in my heyday...
16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE? having the table break...chic fell off the couch....ramming the bedpost against the walls...at 3am roomates woke up...and bang on the wall...that was funny...
17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY? 21...yep a late bloomer
18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?...wifey...i need to call her for a nooner...
19. DO YOU THINK THAT number 18 IS POSSIBLE? she did say she was gonna make it out here close to my job...
20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW? Virgo men are always horny!!!!
21. WOULD U HAVE SEX WITH THE PERSON THAT POSTED THIS? mabye in another lifetime....
22. Have your ever called your partner somebody else's name?...i'm not big in the screaming a name out..unless your name is "DAMN....SHIT!!!"....

i'll keep you guys posted.....

Okay...freakin blogger i had already finished my blog for today...i was on another site, and it just froze on me....DAMNIT MAN...okay...let me try and remember what i was talking 'bout. I received a call from PT (new company) saying i should receive an offer no later than Wednesday....and of course i didn't receive the letter. HR lady didn't send the letter...and she promised that i should receive the letter tomorrow (she's a slacker)....and she's just getting around to doing a background check...(i got an offer on Monday) my question to the fellow bloggers...i know it's some HR people here..how long does it take to send out for a background check?

Did ya'll have an underground high school newsletter? Ours was called "The Nigga News".....i know just a bit forward don't you think....Our high school was mixed 50/50....of course the people who published the newsletter was suspended for a couple of days...but boy we sure was anticipating that every Friday.....who fukked who, who "throated" who, who's "easy"....who's teacher is flirting with them, who's going to fight....it was crazy...

What's happening this week ya'll?

BET UnCut is cancelled.....BET getting a Hip Hop Awards....on the uncut...i think i watched it maybe 2 times...i usually last about the first 20mins....so i really won't miss it much

I might take the fam out for a dinner and a movie this weekend....Lil'sarccastik first movie joint....i hope she like's it...then later on...might take the misses to The Compound (hottest spots in the A)

Oops...i almost forgot...she wanted to try this Playdate thing too....it seems fun...ol'skool games...it's whatever my beautiful nubian princess wants.....anybody got plans this weekend?

Sorry, my blog fam, i would've already done a posting but you know when your out a week it's all about catchin up with what kind of shyt's been goings on....anyway this weekend was interesting to say the least...it started off bad for me...I mistakenly closed the back door on lil'sarccastik thumb...so i'm still really getting over that...she's okay, her thumb is not broken, i think i might be a permanent mark but it's not as bad as we thought it was......my lil' girl's a trooper...she screamed about 10mins....then she was okay. What's funny was later on she was telling me, "Daddy u gotta be careful"....like i said i'm just getting over that...but she's okay now. Then later that afternoon, she decided to paint her toes her wifey's toenail polish...she did the first one, not bad for a 2yr old...then decided to turn the whole thing upside down.....all i heard was wifey make a loud GASP!!!...i'm like what the hell...a nice lil' red number 8 style on the carpet...we got some of it up but hey....we couldn't get too mad, we was actually laughing about it, but of course we had to turn on the stern face..."Lil'sarccastik do not play with toenail polish"...we're still chucklin' about that now.

But what i really wanted to post was about Nicknames. Often in life, we meet some interesting characters and their nicknames.....i'm going to start it off...and tell u the nicknames of some of my homeboys from college, from the neighborhood and wherever...(I'm not making these names up):

Tot
SweetMain (Sweet)
Neek Nasty
Doo-Doo
Daddy Black
Action
'Shroom
Black (i know about 7 Blacks)
Face
'Pac
Jr (We all know about 5 Jr's.)
Bone
Termite
Stuff (she introduce herself as that...what can i say)
Tiger
Turtle
Peppa (like Pepper)

All the names in bold are actually nicknames of some of my peoples....crazy as they sound, they use that as their tags....What are the crazy nicknames you've heard? Have a good'one...

P.S. The company called me and i will receive an offer letter in the mail tomorrow....thanks for all u guys support....i wanna tell these folks today, "I'm Rich...Beeyotch!!!!" and i'm gone...

I've been in training all week...and the damn computers in the classroom suck!!!! Bigtime....I can get to my page but i can't comment to blah, to insane...to anybody....i truly miss the blog fam...i hope ya'll can forgive me....the damn instructor is like Charlie Brown teacher...WHUA-WHUA-WHUA (imitating the teacher)....but ya'll know how the teacher sounded couldn't understand a damn word. The instructor here is as bad and so boring!!! The first day, i damn near fell asleep in the first 20mins...okay anyway let's talk about what in the hell is goings on this week:

1) Stacey Dash doing Playboy?...Maybe she couldn't pass up the money.....she's still a cutie though...she damn sho'll could get it...

2) Enron dude died of a heart attack....(please lawd forgive me for what i'm 'bout to say)...karma's a bitch!!!!

3) Babyface pissed off the city of Houston....(dude u don't wanna do that)....first him & his wife divorce and now he showed up late to one of the biggest festivals in the south...

4) Ya'll heard about this crazy chick....trying to sell coke secrets..only for 1.5 million...are u serious...the damn secrets worth Billions....(that's with a B)...it's something not right about that...she was a damn executive admin assistant...how in the hell did she have access to the formula....something ain't sitting right w/me on this...

I had another interview w/the boss of this crazy ass company...i'll tell ya'll about next week...have a good weekend...

What's good blog fam? Your boy is live and direct here @work...yeesh!! I ain't trippin' i'm able to save some of the vacation days...Hope everyone is/will have an exciting 4th of July. We kicked ours off at going to this mega-church down the street from us...It was setup like a little fair...kids could ride trains, whirly things...it's like a big ass merry go around sitting in bucket cars or something like that. Lil'sarccastik wanted to get on the whirly-things, so wifey took lil'one on it...i was more nervous than lil'one...she really enjoyed it. Then from there she had to get on a little train....it holds about 9 or 10 seats..and takes a little journey around the parking lot. Of course, we had to ride on that train....but could you believe 4 times...wifey and myself split the duties...it was cool, she had a blast...Lil'one had her first bomb-pop....it was a thing to see, she was killin' it though...the thing about bombpop's you have to eat it in a hurried pace or all of the icing will drip on your hands and clothes.....She wasn't even stud'dn (paying no mind...ignoring...aw shit..ya'll used that word too, i just can't find the correct spelling of it...)...us, we were wiping off her mouth and clothes...she had a ball. Then the fireworks came...and it was all she wrote, at first she looked like "Okay, what da' hell was that"..then she was nervous...she said, "Mama, Daddy...it's too loud...it's too much"...We asked, "Are you ready to go home"...she calmly explained "Yes, it's too much"....after a couple of chuckles from us...we had to call our parents...and lil'one told them the same thing..."It's too loud, too much"...(still talking about how loud the fireworks were)...So we had a good time....it was a mega-church that was mostly white...u know white kids that never seen black folks before was staring and running to their mommies when they see us...(it was a few of use sprinkled around)

Oh, i almost forgot to tell you...why did your boy see Paul Wall (reject ) there......his bottom row of teeth was grill'd up...then he saw me (i guess trying to get points of talkin' to a brother)....and said, "Man, it's hot as hell out herrre"....I looked...(trying to make his day)...i said..."Yeah, man"..and kept it movin....i walked past him and i noticed her had an anklet on (one of those house monitor or beepers...) on his ankle...and his girl had on them MC Hammer glasses...i can never remember the name of them...me and wifey got a good chuckle of them...But all in all we had a good family time and as long as lil'sarccastik had a great time that's all i'm concerned about. Happy 4th of July...i'll see ya next time...