The Sarccastik Conjugate

Okay...since Ms. NB want to know about my 1st time...I was a late bloomer...you know the kind that didn't get no play in high school. But was cool with everybody...i went to Ramsay Alternative High School...sounds bad don't it...but it was supposed to be a high school of higher learning...whatever. Anyway, i went into the military and SHAZAAMMM!!!, started drinking and cussing like an army man. I've always heard the military will do that to an individual, but didn't think it would be true. Came home, went to ASU Spring '93.....Her name was Shawn..i think...anyway, we she dared me.."You ain't gonna do nothing, you talk too much shyt, sarccastik"..she was laughing...i was dead serious (or was it the blue bull talking)...hmmm...yep it was the blue bull, they were $1 a piece for the tall can...(me and my roomate from cali racked up that night)..then out of nowhere i turned into Billy Dee Williams...snatched her into the bushes...did my thing....believe it or not, i faked it...yeah i know..but she wasn't smelling that hot down under, and i was ready to get up after i heard a couple of horns pass us by...lol...imagine that... leaving the Shakespeare park (necking spot in the "Gump")..and you notice azz in the bushes...that's crazy ain't it...anyway, after i faked it..she was bad, terrible...I wanted to say "Works every time"...(Billy Dee's line) but i couldn't i was ready to go....she dropped me off a my dorm and still huggin' me...i was like "Eww get off me"...what's so crazy my homeboy (this cat from Bham hit cross two days later)...
well folks..i'm going on a much needed family vacation...Memphis here i come...i'll check in with my fam when i get back...have a good weekend...happy now NB...lol..crazy girl...

A Good friend of mine was telling me about some chic was trying to get hold of him since '98. Mind you this dude (Atl swinga) is married 5 yrs with two kids. Some chic that he used to try and hit 'cross back in college in '95 has been calling everybody she knows to keep track of Atl. This chic (Nashville wanna-be star) is married w/ 3 kids and her husband who works on the weekend has been trying to keep up with this dude....i told you this was crazy....She called his cellphone while the misses was downstairs...then called again...so he picks up and like "Who is this"...She's like this is "Nashville, i went to school with you...you remember me don't you"...he's like yea...nervously...she tells him to jot the number down to call her. So this dude is like whatever...how the hell she get this number? Next day, Nashville calls again at this job, and he's like "Why you callin"....Nashville (crazy azz) just wanted to touch base, she tells him...i just wanted to see how you were doing. They go through the small talk and details, and she constantly talks about how much of a gentlemen Atl was in college....anyway, she talks about her marriage and how she don't feel appreciated by her husband who's cheated on her 3 times...side note 3 times and she's still with him...(i was joking w/ dude...that was the fish hook....if you wanted it)..lol..he was like "Hell naw"....i remember Nashville wanna-be star...from the neck down she was a 8.5 on the scale....and i'll leave it at that....Nashville keeps talking about her life, and how depressed she is...she takes road trips to columbus, montgomery, birmingham...and wherever her girlfriends "or whatever" are...(wow...taking a road trip without the family...ain't no way in hell i could even pucker my mouth to ask that)...wouldn't want to anyway...anyway, she was trying to be slick and say, "Sounds like Mrs.Atl Swinga got you locked down"..."It wouldn't do me no good to come see you"....me and Atl was laughing because that's what she wanted the whole time....crazy chick...he was like "Yep...Mrs.Atl don't play that"...(All week i'm the Homie moniker)...just another example of a guy in the "A"...trying to do the right thing...and plus i heard that the divorce rate is more than 50%...that's crazy...

BS about the movie "ATL"

In my dept. it's 4 guys....2 are caucasian, and other 2 are brothers. I'm writing this because both of 2 caucasian bros (not related) don't have a postsecondary education...(there's nothing wrong with that)....well, it is if your making the money they are...but i digress. One of them or should I say both are a pain in the azz.....one's name is "Miami Blue" and the other is...."Central Florida"....now the problem i have is with "miami"...he's a guy who worked well in trade school and got into electronics...now he's in network...(nothing wrong with that)....he's got 3 network Certs...ccna,ccnp,ccn (i don't know some more other bullshyt)...anyway, i notice that "miami" always want to ask me..."hey sarccastik, are you taking any other certifications"...."are you studying for anything"....i'm like nope not right now....this all started because "miami" went to our boss in a closed door individual performance meeting and said, "I think sarccastik is content on where he is right now, i don't think he's willing to study and learn"....how did i find this out..."miami" told me...i was like, "Miami, why did you go to our "fearless leader" and tell him about something you don't know about?"...Miami's response was, "I don't see you walking around with books and studying to try and learn something"....My response, "If you don't know do you think you have the authority to suggest that I'm content and I have no plans for my future personal goal"...your right man i'm sorry, i didn't mean it like that....NIP THAT SHYT IN THE BUD, YA'LL....if you got a problem with somebody...NIP IT....RIP Barney Fife aka Don Knotts....just cause he's ass walk around with books to study everybody don't have to do that...fukk certifications...i got my MCP...but i'm working with Solaris...will i get a solaris cert...who cares...i'm trying to be business systems analyst...they don't know that..."miami" got 5 certifications...and trying to get 5 more...WHY?!?!?!?!....does he get a boner for every cert...this company is not giving bonuses for certifications earned...as long as you do the job....damn fool...maybe it's that construction mentality...i wanna keep up with the college grads...i don't know....ya'll help me out...should i cuss him out for GP?

check our these fools.....

i'm gonna re-air The Funeral...this was just too funny...

Me, my brother, my neighbor and his sister went to a concert in Birmingham. I think it was MC Hammer, NWA, Luke and some other people...sorry can't remember everyone....Anyway, we was having a good time when everybody in Fair Park Arena, notice a dude in a white tee shirt (for the story we'll call him Bo-Bo) running around like he crazy....everybody's like aww hell, dude's getting his asses whooped. Immediately, everybody's focus was on a dude climbing a rail standing up and flashing the Jimmy "Supafly" Snuka sign...(ya'll know what that is)...we'll call him Supafly. Anyway, Supafly raises up on the rail...everybody forgot about the concert and looked at this clown on the rail...mind you the only lights are from the stage and somebody rappin'....supafly flexes and jumps from the rail...everbody's like "aww shyt look at this dude"...supafly is in the air...folded his body somekind of way to drop a elbow....then at the same time we see Bo-Bo run in the direct line of the elbow....of course, everybody sees this and provide the special effects...."AAAAAWWWWW WHOO" everybody hi-5'in each other as if it was the pivotal slam dunk in the NBA Finals...crazy i know...mind you it's about 5,000 people at the concert....i think all 5,000 people provide the special effects...anyway Bo-Bo is getting his assed whup...Security comes to his rescue.....everbody calms down...then Luke is the last person to get on the mic...he was kinda boring so alot of people decided to leave.....next thing we heard from the crowd....."Awww shyt" luke got some dancers.....now this is funny...have you ever seen horny 14-25 year old guys scramble to their chair like musical chair....and i remember the dancers like yesterday....GAAAAWWDDAAAYUMMMM they were Stallions....anybody been to something crazy like that?
ms. new booty got on me for not keeping up w/ my blogs....thx....crazy girl..

If anybody has been watching college hill and black.white...it's crazy, i must admit. I caught up with all of the episodes last week. After i think i'm caught up, i have decided a couple of things.

1) Rodney and Deirdra should just "get down and dirty" and be thru with it. They argue like a married couple of 10 years....lol..I'm trying to figure out did Deirdra ( i think that's right) say that Sigma's were gay....i gotta watch it again tonite to make sure...damn that's wide open shyt ain't it...oh you can forget the dude name sweet or something like that a "lifer" student. If you don't know what a "lifer" student is, that's a someone who made a career as being a student. the dude was hoopin' and hollerin' like he was 19yrs. i think i heard that he crossed in '81 or something like that...this dude is 47 years old..."ARRAR UUU"( imitating the Q call while typing is extremely difficult)..that's crazy...but you know what how crazy is it....my homeboy i know...ya'll will think i'm lying, came to school in '90...we just beat FAMU in the first annual black college bowl...he came in '90 and just graduated '05 or either '06...i can't remember.....a lifer...everybody know one so spill it. Who are the "lifers" that you knew?
And this Bianca crazy azz...bipolar chick...you are an exhibitionist stay that way...don't do it for 15 mins and then say i want to be conservative around drunk, horney dudes...don't get me wrong, the guys were wrong with playing with her bra and not giving it too her but damn...don't put yourself in a bad sitchiation (situation, i know how to pronounce)....

2) Black.White is crazy too....i'm trying to figure out why did the white mother decide to put in her two cents in the slam poetry...let her daughter have the shine...it ain't for you!!!! she said "beautiful black creatures"....WHAT!!!!!! me and the misses was like this crazy bitch here!!!...the daughter was like "oh my jeezus"....crazy wasn't it....

Well, since i'm on a roll of some of the craziest shyt that happened to me...i might as well keep it going for now...

Crazy ass Mecca

People who been in the A-town for awhile, know about this club called Mecca. It was next door to the Glady's Knight Chicken and Waffle joint. Me, my cousin (Charlie Hustle), my boy (Boston Smooth), and crazy azz (New Jerzey) K. We out chillin', drinkin', talkin' shyt to the stallions in the place...K was like dude, i'm get a shorty and go dancing...we like okay...do you...handle your bizness...after about 2 hrs had passed, still no sign of K...we was like okay, we'll wait outside on him...okay I forgot to tell you it's California weekend...(this is always a week before Freaknik)..everybody from the west coast kick it, barbecue at (i think it's grant park) i can't remember...wherever the park was it was shot up earlier that day....(again, i was there) best impression of michael johnson in a 200 on ya'll azz....anyhoo some cat flossing with 2 raw stallions come in...he was a lightskinned cat with locks...okay whatever, for some reason the bouncer told him he couldn't get in...sidenote bouncer: 6'2" 225...lightskinned cat w/locks: 5'8" 140 (wet)...the lightskinned cat was talking big shyt, " Man fukk that shyt dude you gonna let me in"..the stallions were already in.....I don't know what kind of shyt the bouncer was on...but he was like nope your not going in...(i think it was closing, hell i can't remember i was sideways)...we like it's bout to be drama...so we moved closer to our car but in sight if K comes out...next thing we know the bouncer is "handling" the light skinned dude like mop...throwing him on cars, punching him..all this time lightskinned didn't get a lick in....but why did the lightskinned dude come back to the bouncer like, "I'm fukk you up"...next thing we know 2 more bouncers crowd him...mind you we kinda smirking like...li'l light getting his azz whooped..just shut up...we turn and "Pop"...we duck around the cars...li'l light his hit...car picks up a couple of bouncers and drive off...lil' light is on the floor...somebody called 911...we try and help, we try to get him to calm down and not go into shock of seeing blood....we did, ambulance comes, and they take li'l light on their way....guess who comes out...K comes out and see police and blood, people standing 'round...the first thing he says..."Hey Yo, you got my leather"....we like yeah we got your damn leather bring your azz on....after we told him what happened..were we like dude what happened to you....K smirked and was like, "shyt...shorty took me up the stairs and started serving me dome"...we was like you mofo...To this day we still fukk with him about that crazy ass mecca night....What crazy drama were you in lately?

Funny Funeral...

This was a couple of years ago, me and the misses went to Memphis to check out her great-great aunt's funeral. She remember meeting her when she was very little, so we get to Memphis and of course, meet all the cousins. After the funeral was when the drama started. So as soon as we get into the car....DRAMA...adjacent (i hope i spelled that right) from our funeral was another funeral. We were in the car and then we notice the doors of the adjacent funeral flung open....All we know is 1 dude is running for his life and about 50 people were behind him...(men and women)...He's screaming for his life..you have heard people say this before..."Stop man, stop playing...chill out man"....This dude runs across the street...broad daylight...cars coming to a screeching halt and honking....he runs literally in front of our car to a gate...so we got a VIP sitting of homeboy getting his azz whooped by 20 dudes...and the other 20 people still coming out of the funeral..the others were going to their trunks...Now I have a 6th sense when it comes to drama....i told the misses...chill out lay low...it'll be okay....but my wife...(love her so)...rolls down the window..."Hey What are ya'll doing?"..."Why ya'll beating him up" they didn't hear us...they was beating up on this dude for like 5 to 7 mins...lol...I'm said, "Woman are you crazy"...i rolled her window up...locked our doors and windows...and said "Chill out"...Miraculously, homeboy got out of the melee into a vehicle that was 'bout a block away and drove off....In the corner of my eye (during this melee in front of our car) dudes were poppin' the trunk...i'm like what kind of shyt is this in Memphis....Apparently homebody was not supposed to show up at that funeral, or he was the one who did it or...i don't know...he was getting his azz whooped...That was the craziest funeral i ever been to....what crazy shyt have you been witness too?

Drama ya'll....

March 2006

OSCAR hopeful Terrence Howard has refused to sing at the Academy Awards after other black Hollywood stars urged him not to.

Howard, up for Best Actor for his role as a drug dealer in Hustle And Flow, was invited to sing It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp at the ceremony.

But he pulled out after Sidney Poitier, Will Smith and Denzel Washington warned him it could be harmful to black actors.

Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria, a friend of Terrence, said he wanted to but revealed: "Sidney Poitier said: 'Do not go up there and represent the African American community singing about a pimp'."

Howard, Poitier, Smith and Washington refused to comment.

Rappers Three 6 Mafia will perform a toned down version of the song on Sunday.

tell me...what ya'll think....

ya'll i'm starting to wonder about terence...dude speaks...sounds like he got a high pitched voice or something...dude grab your balls...do something...this high pitch shyt...aint' cuttin' it....

this weekend...i'm trying to get me some Beignets from Huey's....to me they got the best...if someone else do let me know...have a good weekend...

Okay...here was the situation...i'm painting a scenerio...Back in the early stages of marriage, I can't remember the exact time. We went to the mall, she stopped in a women's shoe store. I was chilling in the hall to sit down. Low and behold, I saw some ol' skool cutty i used to hit 'cross. I'm like damn it...how can you smooth this out "Ice cold"....we got to talking and I said let me introduce you to my wife ( i think we just got married). My wife had that "Who is this biatch" look on her. Ya'll i thought i was doing the safe thing. My wife introduced herself and everything, i'm like okay everything is alright....the ol'skool cutty kept hitting me on my shoulder...like this is an ol' pale type of hit on the shoulder....the 1st time, i was like okay whatever, the 2nd time...i'm like OKAYYYY!!...then she left. The misses was like, Why did you want me to meet her? ...why did some other chick behind her cosign....like "I don't know girl"....i'm like "Who the fuck iz you"...terrible grammer but fukk it...I was like I didn't want you to see some chick smiling and laughing in my face while you wasn't there....i'm like okay here it comes...she was like...if she (ol'skool cutty) hit me on my shoulder again, she was going to snap. I'm "Whew"...way to go "Ice Cold"...you did....all this is taking place in the shoe store...i'm like the only dude in there...so I got out of that deal...Now help me understand women....
What do I do when we are out and some more ol' kutty come out of nowhere..."Hey Sarccastik"....infamous characters....Spacey Seattle, Head Doctor, Ol'Kutty,6'9",No Teeth pleeze...i know crazy names huh?!!?? victims of the past...anyway....Women how would you react when you see an ol' flame of your man?

But now my attitude is like fukk it...."It is what is shawt!!!!"...Ice Cold

We got dvd, i think it was last week, I can sing all of the parts. Lil' comes home everynight....and says dvd, dvd, dvd....It took us a little time to figure out what she was talking about. So i think it's been everynight we have played Michael Jackson's part (Scarecrow, "You Can't Win"), Nipsey Russell's (Tin Man, "What Would I do", and "Slide some Oil to me"...and we all say "Teenie, Teenie, Teenie") and Ted Ross (Lion, "Mean Ol' Lion")....the lion part is her favorite. We give her the Dvd, and right off the bat she's saying Lion. We don't mind, we sing and dance the songs with her, it's funny. We're at a stage where she says "No" to everything.....so ya'll know how that is going.
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You ever think what kind of parent you'll be? I'm trying to be that cool parent that you can come to with anything. I want that open relationship w/ my daughter. But at the same time, I want her to understand that I'm her Dad. It still trips me out that someone calls me "Dada" when i come home. Me...shyt, I'm like a young adult myself....i'm waiting on the new UGK CD to drop, so it blows my mind to know that i'm a dad...............Oh i almost forgot...why the lil' know how to "Lean With It, Rock With It"...she just lean back that's all it's funny....can't wait for the spring, taking the family to piedmont park, going to hawks and braves games....just hanging out w/ family.....what's the big plans this weekend?

looking for a new gig....get tired of driving 29miles one way to my job, need something closer and better pay....Money makes the world go round. Listening to my crazy dad...."Boy that's good job, you better stay there".....is it me or is that the older mentality...stay at your job 35 yrs.....not the kid, if i can get something closer to home, and better pay...."Two fingers in the wind" i'm gone...i've been driving out here for 6yrs...it's time to go....

I forgot to tell ya'll made Lasagna from scratch..."Every since I can remember, I been Poppin' Collar"...it turned out great.....(i think i was a chef in my former life) the misses proclaimed me Lasagna cooker of the house...lol...it was funny....what great cooking have you done in the past 2 weeks?

what else is going on? College Hill comes out this week....Keyshia is still looking for a voice...(found, ound, ound...) eesh...my spleen leans and rocks everytime i hear her...i like the chris brown song, "Yo"...that's alright....i might watch the Li'l Kim show on BET...i might...it depends on the first episode....i heard that "Touchin" song by Banner uncut...it's serious....the Kanye video w/ Nia long is funny...not too crazy about the B.I.G., if i want to hear him...i'll buy the 1st CD...without everybody on it...T.I. track is hot....

what's going on the weekend?