The Sarccastik Conjugate

Ganked - means (well it has several different meanings) to steal something....Okay party people how was your memorial day bash? I hope it was fun and exciting...well enough about you. Let me tell you what the hell happened to me?....okay, It's Friday I'm feeling good, i'm spending time w/my hottie (wifey) and my little dora the explorer (lil'sarc)....i'm walking upstairs in my house, i get a quick glance of my neighborhood...(you know i got to be nosey) and low and behold.....(insert drama theme music here...)....OMG!!!! Did someone steal my Weber grill....Are you serious...oh lawd!!!! jeeezus...i was going to give it another week before i decided to ease the grill towards the sarccastik legion of doom (evil laughter inserted here...) How the? Who the? Why the?....Know before ya'll start to say negative things about me...i know i didn't own the grill...but i saw it first (i know childish...but what the hey...) I wonder if the owners came back....or did someone else decide to beat me to the punch?!?!?? Hmmmmm (scratching my head rather inquisitively...did i spell that right?)....................What the hey...Father's Day is coming...and i won't be doing any 5am coming home because i don't want to fukk up whatever gift i'm getting...(but of course, i will suggest the Weber grill)....i need to start printing it and leave it in the wifey's car...along side some post-it notes...(I LUV U)....damn i need to bottle this up and sell it right!?!?!?!lol....how was ya'll weekend? fess up we family!!!!!

Well, I shouldn't say Weird...it might just be the fact that you do things differently...do what do...i just need a catchy name for today's blog.....before i dive into my 5 things...i cooked some wings last night that was on a whole 'nother level...i mean the po' man's version of "G.Garvin"...I told ya'll i love cooking shows, i think it's the whole presentation of food. I believe food has to look good first then taste good...but hey that's just me. I fried some wings...and in another bowl mixed hotsauce and honey (got this from my lovely wife...prior to meeting her i never heard of a mix)....dipped the wings in the hot-n-honey sauce...placed in the oven for 'bout 10-15 mins....oh boy!!!!!...okay enough of my cookin' highlights let's get to my crazy 5's:

1) This may be weird to some but....I bake my bacon. I put in the oven for 'bout 20mins on 350degreez....less mess, and you ain't got grease poppin' everywhere....(got that from my mama sarccastik)...i wonder if it's healthier if i bake it? hmm.....

2) I hate to see Q-tips on the bathroom trash....don't you hate to go to a friend's house and you see they just used Q-tips w/ a big azz hunk of wax in the trash....I've held 1's (piss) and 2's (doo-doo brown) because of that....yeesh!!!

3) I think driving your car is an art form....not a half-hazardly thing we do...i get into it...i'm weaving out lanes like i'm T.J.Hooker...(damn, i just went ol'skool on ya'll then...lol..) don't you hate it when people are on the phone and can't drive....

4) I can't stand to have my food mixed together...like my meat and veggies...neatly prepare my stuff...don't just slap it on top...i hate that shyt...there's a method to my madness..don't laugh...

5) I won't do Number 1 in a public pool....i think's that deeeeessssssgggustiiiing!!!! (disgusting)...

okay ya'll memorial day weekend...what are ya'll plans...i might borrow that grill i've been eyeing and hook up some bacon wrapped shrimp for the weekend...ya'll be safe...don't let me read about ya'll this weekend...gone!!!

We've all had it happen in our lives...getting caught stealing, cheating or saying something that we wasn't supposed it say. Well, let 's talk about it damnit....ya'll are sitting down in the Sarccastik Lounge and telling me about the time you got caught.....I'll start it off...
Okay, i was in Bham just graduated and thought i was on top of the world. Me and my homeboy got a apt. We had them coming in and out...like a revolving door....We was runnin' the chicks...i met this chick named "Tat"....she was in her 30s kinda uppity, single about a 6.5 or 7 (depend on what she wore)...and she was cool...ASU alum...we hung out tight for a couple of months...during which i met "Eunice Chantilly"....she was "hood"...but you know it's something about them "hood"chicks a dude need in his life from time to time...anyway...i think (amnesia kicks in)...i promised eunice to come thru on the late because it was her b'day..she said she would but she would go hang out w/her sista and she'll call for the "3rd shift" action...why my dumb ass forget about that and go hang out w/Tat...so i get Tat to the house and all of a sudden i'm like who in the hell have their "high-beam" in my damn bedroom window...so time goes by (paid it no mine cuz i'm trying to "hit 'cross Tat" for the longest)...so nothing happens and i escort "Tat" out the door...car still there w/the lights on...come to find out 45 mins later after "Eunice" and her sister threaten "Tat" about me they come back...eunice come back drunk and like "i can't believe you had another chick in her..." yada, yada...crying...now my roomate's cuzin ("Flop") is sleep on the floor...know why didn't he tell me that eunice called while "Tat" was there...(scandalous....) FLOP get's up, and starts laughing like this is fuckin "Days of our Lives"...rolls a blunt and is in the middle of the conversation..he's calling my roomate and everybody else it's damn near 2am...mind you i was the real nice guy of the click...he's adding his 2 cents like he's the dman writer/producer of this drama...."hmm hmm eunice he didn't call you on your birthday"...he saying shyt like that and more , "I wouldn't take it if i was you"......i'm like this sommabitch here....it's was squashed after that but "Flop" still laughs about it everytime i see him....come to think of it ..it was kinda funny....

Okay ya'll....it's a beautiful hot Saturday here in the "A" town, i'm home w/lil one she just took her power nap (finally!!!)....she like's to fight off the nap as much as she can.....I'm trying to figure out where she gets rubbing from? She just likes to rub....rub our legs, arms, back....anything, just to rub...she's funny. I need to some appetizing ideas ya'll....i'm in the mood of surprising the misses....she knows i love the creativity of cooking food.....Food Network is probably my 3rd favorite tv show.....espn, and 24/hr music channel. So if ya'll know some easy appetizing ideas....pass it to your boy.....I made turkey lasagna last night....(i'm tooting my horn).....(insert 3-6 mafia, "Poppin' My Collar" song here......) so i'm trying.....the ethics question is...

In my subdivision, it's about 300 homes.....across the street from is my neighbor..jersey 'dre....and behind him is a house, i think has been foreclosed on.....anyway they don't have a gate or anything like that....but what i do notice is a nice bbq grill...(i think it's a Weber grill...)....i'm thinking 'bout doing a "midnight requisition"..(military term)..."snatch up on tha' low"..."strongarm"....sometime after dark.....would i be wrong?....

It's Friday....your boy Sarccastik is in the BUILDING!!!!!! Thank ya's goes out to everybody wishing a fast recovery for me and the little misses...we are feeling a whole lot better. Let's see i didn't miss much here @work...same 'ol BS...i hate when i ask a customer something about their servers and they don't know or give me a dumb ass answer...only for me to go back and change the settings on the server again after i asked for the specific information 3 damn times.....i hate doing double work....sheeeeesh!!!! anyway it's friday i ain't trippin' a few people are calling about your boy resume but nothing biting yet.....let's see what's happening on the "WEEKLY SARCCASTIK"...(my own current edition newsletter)...(by the way, i'm just freestylin' here)....

Hampton's in the news again.....(this is starting to be a negative trend on the HBCU)...about a statue....man i tell you what...

Ya'll remember this crazy azz chic from the "A"....runaway bride....now seems that she broke up w/dude...(dummy)....i shouldn't say that....she probably could suck the skin off an orange....

Jason Terry.....i thought you were a cool dude...but i just think if a man hits another man near "The Johnson Circumference"...is bitch made......

I might need to get me on of those "Witness" Tee's that LeBron is making everybody believe...what ya'll think....do think they could do it? I'm kinda rootin' for them now....(Cuz lord knows i'm tired of seein that commercial)

Old skool track of the week:...(this isn't really ol'skool but what the hey...it's my newsletter)..."Remy Shand"....the whole CD was nice....whatever happened to dude?

This weekend, i gotta help the neighbor with one of those huge azz jungle gyms....wish us luck...we've been working on that thing starting last week...nobody with construction in their blood.....i'm thinking 'bout putting lil' in some kinda of cute toddler picture....am i exploiting my child?...have a good weekend ya'll..

Well, here we are.....we both @home sick. She came down with Projectile Vomiting.....then of course, my crazy ass wanted to drink Gatorade behind her...and now i'm sick. I woke up at 3am,
"kissing the porcelin god"......But we're slowly feeling better, we're eating chicken and gatorade....i know it's a strange combination but she (or I) hasn't "upchucked" yet so keep your fingers cross. I have to apologize for not updating more but the job has got your boy running around like a silly puppy......Our customer...are cheap, they want you to maintain servers...let me see how i would like to explain this............Our customer tells us that these particular servers are 40% of their revenue...ummm okay, but you have no warranty (hardware replacement or technical support) on the servers, they are running on old ibm servers....but they just spent millions on dell servers (1000)....so why are they running on old servers?....crazy huh...so i'm still on the job search....

Well brief songs this week....i'm diggin that Lil' john w/E-40 "Snap Ya Finger"....that's just one, i'll be in the office tomorrow to find some more songs....

I'm looking at my daughter "killin'" this chicken bone...it's hilarious....i think we both feel better....the chicken has not come back up yet......i'll write more i promise..

A thousand apologies my blog family, I've been placed in a position @work where I'm the Solaris Lead. I preface "placed" not promoted or paid in that position. So that's why, i'm looking for another gig. We all know the infamous song, "CREAM".....money make the world go 'round. Last friday, i went in to work @7:30am....didn't get home until 3am (Saturday morning....the misses knew where i was the whole time).....then this past week i got home at 6:45pm...for the last 3 days....this shyt is getting old cousin.....

Trying to decide on the first movie to take lil' sarccastik too.....i wouldn't mind taking her to see the "Over the hedge" movie...it seems kinda funny, i know she'll like that. Well this weekend she will be in panties, thanks to everybody's ideas....(especially crazy azz insane).....

What in d'hell are they doing @hot 97 and power 106? Star of the morning show talked about dj envy's family.....that's crazy...there's a fine line to talkin' 'bout somebody family, i don't know what dj envy did or said but.....i do know the landlord been trying to get them evicted.....crazy shyt....

ol' skool track of the week: New Edition "Cool it Now"....you should've seen the look lil'sarccastik gave me when i was rockin' to that....

hood track of the week: Rick Ross "Hustlin"......i think i like the beat more than anything....and the part of the "22's"....that was funny....

i'm going for some interviews today....me and lil' sarccastik are watching "Dragon Tales"...she loves it...she also got a microphone and is singing "itsy bitsy spider", "twinkle twinkle" and is counting on her own.....she sings to me and the misses....i gotta tape it....have a good weekend...what ya'll plans for the weekend?

What's going on my blog fam? I will pose a couple of questions and i'm curious of the answers. Hope you enjoy....please answer appropriately and sarccastikly...(remember it is friday ya'll..we ain't go sheeeee (that's PG-13 of shit...i'm trying to stoppin' cussin') else to do.....so away we go:

What da hell....why is it that people was shootin' @the king (T.I.)?
What da hell.....is Hot 97 gonna do now?
What da hell....does anybody has XM Radio?....How is it? I wanna get and still keep my cd player (I don't know anything about this XM...so if that sounds like a dumb question....YA MAMA!!!)lol...
What da hell.....i'm ready for this year's upcoming Fantasy League Football....i lost in the first round playoffs....i'm coming back w/ Vengeance...(damn...i thank i fukkked that word up...fukk it it's friday)....i'm ready...nikki...ready for some football!!!!
What da hell....i need to get lil' sarccastik ready for some golf or something....like michelle wie?
What da hell....i gotta do to keep lil' sarccastik potty trained?...need some help ya'll
What da hell...why is jammin' to "Doin' tha Butt" this morning...lil' sarccastik was looking @me crazy?...that was funny...
Okay thanks for playing...i'm giving ya'll things to watch this weekend....

Check out your boy Mike Epps tomorrow night on HBO....
I wanna check out the Mayorga vs. De La Hoya fight....but i know epps is on...hmm decisions...
That Shawnna track is hot....i must admit..."Gettin' some head"...nice beat...
That new track by Prince...."Beautiful Love and Blessed"...that's a banga...watch out for that..let me know of some things going on this weekend...i'm chillin' this weekend...your boy is busted and disgusted....holla@your boy!!!!

i forgot to mention....shout out to Tavaris Jackson drafted by the Vikings...ASU!!!!! i'm now a semi-viking fan....

I drive about 1hr 10 mins each way, so ya'll can understand my vent. My boy (midfield mark) called me saturday night to get out....the misses was like go 'head, have fun.....but i was thinkin'...i got to drive from stone mountain to camp creek parkway...damn that's about 25-30 min ride....and the way gas is now....sheeeeee...."Naw, dude I'm chillin'"...that's what i told midfield mark....that's my boy but i can't fukk w/ it right now. Remember the days when gas was .79/gallon, dude my car (green hornet...you gotta nickname your whoo ride...it gives it personality) cavalier...anytime my car got down to half a tank....i was like "Sheeeeee...I need some gas", i would get the premium then...that was the gold ol' days i think it was '99. Damn i miss those days....

I got a question for ya'll, What was ya'll most recognizable car? it can be your first car or your hooptie at college. Mine was a 1983 nissan stanza hback...silver..(damn i miss the silver ghost)...everybody knew it was mine because i had a alabama national guard tag......i couldn't do not creepin'.....why is it girls would sit out the window and just catch folks creepin.....

Nosey girl (in front of her friend that i'm trying to stab): "Sarccastik, I saw you last night (laughin)"....
Sarccastik: "No you didn't....(thinkin' like what the hell are you talkin' bout...damn did i get caught again")
Nosey girl: Yes i did, you picked up Tanya from Birmingham (laughing)
Sarccastik: I don't know what you talkin' bout...i let me roomate borrow the silver ghost...i was at the house....(i'm thinking...as snoop said, "I'm too swift i'm on my toes, to get caught up w/ you hoes...)
Nosey girl: Hmmm hmm...i thank you lying.....
i'm like damn....sheeeeee....i thought it was hard for a pimp back in '93.....tell me about your first creepin' hoo ride.....